Engender trust and respect in a relationship

Build your relationships on the solid ground of TRUST – John Maxwell

engender trust and respect in a relationship

Engendering trust and respect. czweig. May 16 have a fruitful relationship. We have to learn how to build respectful and trusting relationships. Here Are 4 Ways to Develop a Culture of Respect and Trust. Next Communication is at the core of human relationships, and it should be no. What's at the core of any professional relationship? One word: trust. It's absolutely necessary in order to establish not only your reputation, but also a strong.

In another example of trust, loyalty, and respect, Lincoln revealed in a letter to Ulysses Grant that he had unwisely misjudged the general's military tactics during the capture of Vicksburg on July 4, What is interesting about this incident is that Lincoln and Grant had not yet met. But, from afar, Lincoln displayed qualities that surely endeared him to the man who would eventually command all Union armies. The letter was written on July I do not remember that you and I ever met personally.

I write this now as a grateful acknowledgment for the almost inestimable service you have done the country. I wish to say a word further When you got below, and took Port-Gibson, Grand Gulf, and vicinity, I thought you should go down the river and join Gen.

I now wish to make the personal acknowledgment that you were right, and I was wrong. Yours very truly, A. Lincoln Basler, —, Vol. It is a simple phrase, but one that tells a great deal about the president and how he wanted to relate to associates.

He was sending a strong message to Grant that they needed to be frank and honest with each other. Interestingly, one of the president's associates was upset because Grant had paroled the Confederate troops who surrendered at Vicksburg. Lincoln took the parole in stride and was unwilling to criticize Grant.

Lincoln's magnanimous attitude concerning the parole foreshadows the "malice toward none" theme of the Second Inaugural Address, which we examine in the next chapter. Concerning Lincoln's character, Wills states, in his Pulitzer Prize—winning book Lincoln at Gettysburg, "Lincoln's distinctive mark, one almost unique in the history of war leadership, was his refusal to indulge in triumphalism, righteousness, or vilification of the foe" p.

Even with his greatest triumph beyond preserving the Union, the emancipation of the slaves, Lincoln was unwilling to take personal credit. In a fascinating letter to the newspaper editor Albert Hodges on April 4,Lincoln described his thinking on the primary issue of the day: I am naturally anti-slavery. If slavery is not wrong, nothing is wrong. I can not remember when I did not so think, and feel.

And yet I have never understood that the Presidency conferred upon me an unrestricted right to act officially upon this judgment and feeling I did understand however, that my oath to preserve the constitution to the best of my ability, imposed upon me the duty of preserving, by every indispensable means, that government—that nation—of which that constitution was the organic law.

Was it possible to lose the nation, and yet preserve the constitution? By general law life and limb must be protected; yet often a limb must be amputated to save a life; but a life is never wisely given to save a limb I chose the latter In telling this tale I attempt no compliment to my own sagacity. I claim not to have controlled events, but confess plainly that events have controlled me God alone can claim it.

engender trust and respect in a relationship

Although he personally opposed slavery, he admits to being a reluctant liberator. In his view, circumstances forced the events. Also, he is unwilling to be credited with wisdom, with sagacity; he seems to be saying that common sense would have led any Union president to make similar decisions. And Lincoln is admitting that even the president of the United States cannot control events; he may have liberated the slaves and recruited tens of thousands of black Americans to serve the Northern war effort, but he maintains that circumstances forced his hand.

Finally, he believes that it is God's will, and not the will of man, that will determine the results of the conflict.

Lincoln takes no credit; again, triumphalism is absent from this letter. In OctoberLincoln penned a letter to an officer, James Cutts, who had been disciplined primarily because of his unpredictable temper.

The advice provides insight into the president's temperament: Quarrel not at all. No man resolved to make the most of himself, can spare time for personal contention. Still less can he afford to take all the consequences, including the vitiating of his temper, and the loss of self-control Better give your path to a dog, than be bitten by him in contesting for the right.

Even killing the dog would not cure the bite. He suggests that if one wastes time on "personal contention," little will be accomplished. We squander positive and productive actions when we wallow in anger and revenge. Again, Lincoln gained respect because he showed respect for others, even under trying conditions. Recall Lincoln's decision to nominate Salmon Chase to the Supreme Court; if anger had prevailed, the appointment could not have been made. When important issues need to be resolved, holding grudges and losing self-control will only hurt one's mission, damage relationships, and, most important, reduce the opportunity for success.

Humor, Timing, and Sending a Message Lincoln's sense of humor and ability to reduce the tension in a room is another formidable leadership characteristic. Changing the emotional barometer in a room can sometimes lead to a breakthrough during a conflict—or at least enable colleagues to have a more civil debate. Lincoln also used stories and humorous anecdotes to make a salient point often indirectlyto minimize embarrassment, or to encourage further thinking by those within earshot of his remarks.

As noted in Chapter 2, Lincoln was a legendary storyteller, and he also knew that many of the stories credited to him were not of his creation much like today's aphorisms credited to Yogi Berra, such as "When you see the fork in the road, take it!

How the Best Leaders Build Trust by Stephen M. R. Covey @ LeadershipNow

Lincoln even made light of the famous remark inaccurately attributed to him about finding out the brand of whiskey Grant preferred and sending a bottle to the other generals. Lincoln simply indicated that attributing the remark to him added credibility to the story Burlingame,Vol. Phillips shares a wonderful anecdote Lincoln told about the hypocrisy of individuals who behave inappropriately and then criticize others for similar behavior.

Lincoln's story is of the criminal who assaulted an innocent bystander: The criminal drew his revolver, but the assaulted party made a sudden spring and wrested the weapon from the hands of the would-be assassin. Throughout his life, he suffered from bouts of depression, called "hypo" at that time Shenk, The loss of a mother and a sister early in his life, the loss of two of his children, the harshness of frontier life, witnessing the cruelty of slavery, political defeats, and the Civil War could have destroyed any person.

Humor was a lifeline for Lincoln.

  • Build your relationships on the solid ground of TRUST
  • Chapter 4. Engendering Trust, Loyalty, and Respect Through Humility, Humor, and Personal Example

He once complained about a cabinet member who had little regard for light witticism, stating that "it required a surgical operation to get a joke into his head. A reason for the close bond between Lincoln and Secretary of State Seward was their mutual love of engaging conversation and a good joke. One evening during a dinner party at Seward's home, Lincoln's wit, humility, and frustration with the progress of the Army of the Potomac all converged when a guest complained about how difficult it was for him to secure a pass to visit Richmond, Virginia.

Lincoln responded, "Well, I would be very happy to oblige you, if my passes were respected: As we reflect on Lincoln's character, based on the historical events, his words, stories, and wit, a portrait can be drawn that supports the idea that the whole is greater than the sum of its parts.

Words without character are meaningless.

How To Engender Trust Within Your Organization

Wilsonin his exhaustive analysis of Lincoln's words, in the end looks to Aristotle to explain Lincoln's success: It is not true that the personal goodness revealed by the speaker contributes nothing to his power of persuasion; on the contrary, his character may almost be called the most effective means of persuasion he possesses. The Complete Works of Aristotle,quoted in Wilson,p. Implications for School Leaders This chapter addresses intangibles: The power of these intangibles, which Lincoln so adeptly portrayed, has influenced leaders in profound ways throughout history.

In fact, because of these characteristics, Lincoln's spirit has transcended time and still looms large in our conception of leadership. Seeking to explain this greatness, the foreword to Time magazine's bicentennial celebration issue on Lincoln succinctly states, "Abraham Lincoln is the archetypal American, because his extraordinary moral compass revolved around an ordinary life" Knauer,p.

This observation reminds us that much of the school leader's work involves intangibles that others use to define that leader.

These are often attributes that others "feel" or "perceive" and that influence opinions of the school leader and the assessment of whether that person's actions are characterized by integrity. If they are, respect and trust are earned. The qualities we often attribute to someone whose behavior is governed by a moral compass are "kindness, sensitivity, compassion, honesty, and empathy, [which] can also be impressive political resources" Goodwin,p.

Personal example is a powerful tool for school leaders. Reflect upon what you do as a leader at the beginning of the day. Are you greeting students as they get off the bus? Handing out breakfasts and networking with staff and students?

engender trust and respect in a relationship

Where do people find you in the middle of the day? Are you walking through classrooms? What about the end of the day? Your behavior is observed and your example interpreted by organizational members—always.

As University of Wisconsin Professor Kent Peterson reminds us, "What you pay attention to communicates what you value. What you talk about in the hallways and on campus, for example, with students, staff, and parents, communicates volumes. One superintendent reflected, "I always try to greet people by name, or if I don't know the name, at least try to greet them with a warm 'hello' and 'how is your day going? I mean to communicate, by example, that making a personal connection, coupled with an academic focus, will cause learning to soar.

Hopefully, others will follow by example. For example, during the teacher observation and conferencing phases, teachers need to believe that they can frankly discuss what is working in their classroom and take risks by trying out new strategies when teaching during observations to improve their practice. If teachers believe that principals will be overly critical of their performance, teachers are unlikely to go beyond their comfort level during a lesson, especially if they perceive that little margin for error exists.

Similarly, parents often wish to speak with the principal about a family situation, such as divorce or terminal illness, that may affect a student's behavior in the classroom. They want the principal to be understanding, respectful, and accessible.

How To Engender Trust Within Your Organization | Client First

Both the observation process and the parent meeting will go much more smoothly, and be more effective, if trust exists. But what does trust entail? And why is it so critical? After conducting a longitudinal study of Chicago school reforms involving schools, Bryk and Schneider noted, "When school professionals trust one another and sense support from parents, they feel safe to experiment with new practices" p.

Bryk and Schneider conclude that when "relational trust" is high, schools are more likely to make the changes that will help raise student achievement. The researchers found that four "vital signs" help to create the conditions that foster relational trust: Do staff members, parents, students, and community members acknowledge one another's dignity and ideas? Do organizational members treat one another in a courteous way during interactions?

Do staff members and others in the larger school community care about one another personally and professionally? Are individuals willing to extend themselves beyond the formal requirements of the job or union contract?

engender trust and respect in a relationship

Competency in Core Role Responsibilities. Do staff members, parents, and community members believe in one another's ability and willingness to fulfill role responsibilities effectively?

Can staff, parents, and school community members trust others to keep their word? For many, trust is intangible, ethereal, unquantifiable. If it remains that way, then people don't know how to get their arms around it or how to improve it.

But the fact is, the costs of low trust are very real, they are quantifiable, and they are staggering.

engender trust and respect in a relationship

Research shows similar effects for the other disguised low-trust taxes as well. Think about it this way: When trust is low, in a company or in a relationship, it places a hidden "tax" on every transaction: My experience is that significant distrust doubles the cost of doing business and triples the time it takes to get things done.

I contend that the ability to establish, grow, extend, and where needed restore trust among stakeholders is the critical competency of leadership needed today. It is needed more than any other competency. Engendering trust is, in fact, a competency that can be learned, applied, and understood. It is something that you can get good at, something you can measure and improve, something for which you can "move the needle. As Warren Bennis put it, "Leadership without mutual trust is a contradiction in terms.

The first job of any leader is to inspire trust. Trust is confidence born of two dimensions: Character includes your integrity, motive, and intent with people. Competence includes your capabilities, skills, results, and track record. Both dimensions are vital. With the increasing focus on ethics in our society, the character side of trust is fast becoming the price of entry in the new global economy.

You might think a person is sincere, even honest, but you won't trust that person fully if he or she doesn't get results. And the opposite is true.

A person might have great skills and talents and a good track record, but if he or she is not honest, you're not going to trust that person either. The best leaders begin by framing trust in economic terms for their companies. When an organization recognizes that it has low trust, huge economic consequences can be expected.

Everything will take longer and everything will cost more because of the steps organizations will need to take to compensate for their lack of trust. These costs can be quantified and, when they are, suddenly leaders recognize how low trust is not merely a social issue, but that it is an economic matter. The dividends of high trust can be similarly quantified, enabling leaders to make a compelling business case for trust.

The best leaders then focus on making the creation of trust an explicit objective.